My Non-Resolution Resolution

For as far back as I can remember (that's really not as long ago as it sounds, we're talking high school years) I have made the same resolution for New Years. You can guess how successful I was in keeping to that resolution seeing as I kept making it year after year...after year!
This year however, I'm resolving NOT to resolve to do anything...kinda. This past year has been rough. To be frank, it sucked. Well partially anyway. I started off the year in a great place, or so I thought. I was in a relationship with a guy I loved more than words could describe. It was something that I'd wanted for so long that I think when it finally happened I completely ignored any misgivings I had about getting involved with this person and just dove in head first. It wasn't what I thought it would be. Some parts were better, some parts were less than that. He was my best friend though and I was convinced that I would be ending this year with a ring on my finger.
My empty ring finger speaks volumes of how intuitive I can be.
But what do you do? Well, if you're me you fall shamefully apart and then pick yourself up and move on. I learned that I had a lot of work to do, most of it on myself. I stepped out of my comfort zone and into a new church where I've found more than I could've ever imagined I'd find in a movie theater. I joined a bible study and I'm now a part of a group of 25 strong Christians who encourage, support and love one another. How many people can say they have 25 people standing behind them???
I've learned what real blessings are and I've seen where God is working in my life and for those 2 things alone I am completely grateful. So this year, instead of vowing to lose weight or get out of debt or do some other materialistic and unneccessary thing, I've decide that I'm only going to set 2 goals for myself: In 2011 I'm going to be happy and I'm going to make a difference.
And I'm not resolving to do either, I'm just going to do my best and see where that takes me :)

I'd rather have a strong backbone than a strong jaw bone!

Some really smart person said that to me this week. And after I thought about it, I fully agreed! Basically, it mean a little less talk and a lot more action. I've been all about change this summer and heading into this fall. So this saying is pretty insync with what I'm doing.
I got a new gym membership this week!!! I'm pretty excited about it. It's just time to get it together.
So far, this semester isn't going too badly. I thought it'd be a lot more stressful but it's been (mostly) smooth sailing thus far!
Things I'm not too happy about: people who can't seem to just be honest!! Seriously, we're adults now, it's ok to just say what you mean and mean what you say. Honesty isn't hard. If you tell someone you'll do something, then do it!
Ok, no more ranting.....have a great weekend!!!

Walk Away

This should be my mantra I think. In a way, it'd be a very good mantra. It could solve any situation you encounter, be it happy/sad/uncomfortable/angry/scary.....
New guy is out. Lets be honest, that one was going nowhere anyway. So I'm gonna walk away from that.
Celebrated the besties b-day last night. I knew there was a chance that the ex and the ex's new gf would be there (this is reason number 378 why you should never date within your circle). But in the spirit of happy birthday-ness I said I wasn't going to let it bother me. I halfway lucked out, the gf didn't come. But the ex sure did. It was....weird. It was the 5 of us, sitting around the same table playing poker...exactly like we have several times over the past 2 summers. But this time the entire dynamic was off. Couple that with the tequila that was going down way to easily and....drinking always leads to thinking it seems. I just kept telling myself to walk away...don't go down that particular memory lane. Theres nothing down there you want to reminisce about anyway. Walk away.
I've been refinding my faith this summer. It started after the now infamous break up (I swear this is going to be the last blog that mentions this!!) but I found a new church and with it a new outlook. It's been the most positive experience I've had all summer and the best part is I get to have it every single Sunday. And because of that I've been rethinking my actions. Walk away. Leave everything thats keeping me from being where I want to be. Just start walkin...

Ranting today

My brain has been slightly scizophrenic this summer. I spent the first several weeks ridiculously depressed, followed by several weeks of being blissfully happy and content. And for the past 2 days I've been feeling that angry bitter girl that sometimes inhibits my body coming out in a slightly United States of Tara way. I'll explain.
Two nights ago I stopped by my bff's house for a minute to drop something off on my way to hang out with new guy. As I was leaving my bff's, my ex was arriving. Unsure of whether to say hi or just keep walking, I casually glanced up as we passed each other in the driveway. However, whatever idea I'd entertained of being even the tinniest bit polite to this person was quickly diminished as he LOOKED THE OTHER WAY!!!
Are you kidding me?? First of all, I am nothing if not polite. It takes an awful lot of wrongdoing on your part for me to not be at the very least polite to you. And you've done a lot of wrong here lately, but because of our history I am still willing to be nice. Second of all, we are adults. I might not have helped the situation but I certainly didn't cause or create it. For someone who was so concerned with me hating you, you've certainly done a bang up job at preventing that!
Maybe part of my being angry has more to do with my reaction and less to do with his actions. I shouldn't care about this person. I shouldn't care that what he thinks of me or how he acts around me. But damn, I do.

The best things in life are free!

I wish I knew exactly how many calories laughing burned, because I think I could definitely manage to drop a few lbs just by hanging out with my friends everyday! I had zero expectations going into this summer and so far I have gotton so much more out of it than I could have ever thought possible. I've learned at lot, I've laughed a lot and I've loved every minute of it.
Two months ago one of the several girls who keep me going told me that there are so many people who care deeply for me that I'm not even aware of. She was right. I have been surprised at the number of people who have come out of nowhere to be there for me. I have the greatest support group standing behind me and because of them I feel like I can conquer the world. And I will!

2 years later....

Ironically I remembered starting this thing almost 2 years ago to the day. Obviously (and luckily) a lot has changed including but not limited to: my weight, my haircolor, my kids, my life...
2 years ago I had a great job that I loved. And then I lost it, my fault completely. I started looking for a new job and decided that if I didn't find one in a certain amount of time then I was heading back to school. Turned out, I was overqualified and under educated for everything I wanted to do so back to school I went. And it was there that I found yet another outlet for my obsessive compulsive personality. I am one of those students, the ones who have to get an A on every paper, the ones who stress and get incredibly bitchy before a test. Love me or leave me, I can't help it.
My friends have (mostly) stayed the same over the last 2 years. With the exception of one thing. Not going into great detail but the cliff notes version would be I fell in love with my best friend, got into a relationship with aforementioned friend and then everything went to shit and here I am, slightly bitter but overall a better person for the whole damn mess. And said friend is no longer a part of my life. And I'm ok with that.
I've changed a little. I'm even more focused on what I want. I know whats best for me and my kids and I'm dedicated to getting what I want for us. I'm still the same honest, loving, crazy, girly individual I've always been. I'm not always nice but I'm always real.
So now that we've caught up....lets move on.